teach your daughter to be difficult
girls tend to be more agreeable and polite than boys. this is probably due to some combination of early disciplining and innate differences, and the outcome is that grown women are more likely to deny themselves their true desires for the sake of others. this is bad for everyone involved, especially the women who find extra barriers in their way when they seek to pursue a deeply fulfilling life.
growing up, i was often told i was an "easy" kid. i did as i was told and i didn't ask for much. by the time i got to high school, saying no was excruciating. i dated a guy i wasn't interested in for six months before finally working up the nerve to end it. after i broke his heart, my legs would shake and my heart would beat insanely fast any time i spotted him in the hallway. i felt deep guilt and i'd have trouble concentrating in any class i shared with him. this continued until high school was over. i wasn't afraid of any physical retaliation from this boy, i had just learned over years on some subconscious level that disappointment was unsafe.
i don't blame my parents, they were doing their best and they did more good for me than i can ever know, but we can always do better for the next generation. if you have a daughter, you can teach her to be more difficult. she needs to learn to:
- say no without justification
- tolerate being disliked
- take her own preferences very seriously
- take up space and don't apologize
- prefer to disappoint people rather than betray herself
parenting would be a lot easier if our kids always bent to our will, but in these cases your daughter will thank you for going to the extra effort to develop her voice.